we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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