there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
