We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
