now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
