John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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