hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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