I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
