U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
