yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
