I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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