Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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