she was so not down for the gang bang
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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