if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
