you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
