I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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