it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize