Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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