Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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