His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
