why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no you cant smoke seaweed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
