at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
