Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
