i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
