I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize