I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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