I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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