1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
