guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Come share oat with me in your robe
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
