i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
