Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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