It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
