I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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