I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
