You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
