The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
