now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
COCAINE IS GR8
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
