You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
