OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
