I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
