Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
