She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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