Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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