I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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