Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize