just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
