some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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