After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
