Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
