Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
