I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
