i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
