Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
