Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
