actually, I'm a sock model
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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