Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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