so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
