On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
