We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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