He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
