He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
