allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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