Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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