Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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