im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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