I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
