My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
