i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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