Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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