So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
