okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
