I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
